just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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