You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
