new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
