He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
