Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
