I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
love makes seman taste better
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
