The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The air taste purple.
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