Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
