He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
