You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
