Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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