I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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