Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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