And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
