we're blogging at a bar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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