Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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