he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
