Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
