Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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