How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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