No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
