I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
