Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
