This is not my ceiling
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize