U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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