Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
