Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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