But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
