she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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