i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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