fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
