Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
