i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
