uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
