I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize