I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
