Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
