News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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