I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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