i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
