I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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