please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
