OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
