did you get engaged???
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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