I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think my moral compass just broke
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