I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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