I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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