some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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