Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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