he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
