I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
