I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I believe in your delicious
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
