Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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