Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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