I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
