pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
