Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
