I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
