my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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