I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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