I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
