All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner