Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
