Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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