She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
one might say we're banned from that church
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!