It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages