some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.