You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.