Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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