she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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