you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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