Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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