We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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