Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
