By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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