Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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