What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
