You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
