Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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