The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
